I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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