She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
