Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
