She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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