I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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