My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
