She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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