'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
