I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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