i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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