Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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