Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Two words: nipple clamps
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