she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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