He asked to "fluff my boner.."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
