i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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