Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
