y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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