can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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