I CAN MOONWALK!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
