You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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