The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
