I got chris browned last night
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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