you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I didn't notice because vodka
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
