Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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