D3 body, D1 cock
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
