Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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