fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it hurts more in the daytime
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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