8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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