At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
