I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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