Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
