i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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