those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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