What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
