then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
