so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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