Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want a musical about memes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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