I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
