please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
