I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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