He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
