Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers