Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.

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(513): I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence. http://tfl.nu/wy8q

Replies (14) Good night (2824) Bad night (1014)
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(646): View more from New York

Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

(1-646): View more from New York

what. the. fuck.

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(646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew

Replies (55) Good night (5816) Bad night (1098)
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(301): View more from Maryland

why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?

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(301): why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/k3ff

Replies (18) Good night (4283) Bad night (686)
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(410): View more from Maryland

She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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(410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0

Replies (47) Good night (13159) Bad night (1061)
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(905): View more from Ontario

i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

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(905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45

Replies (18) Good night (6885) Bad night (2029)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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(251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy

Replies (19) Good night (5872) Bad night (1196)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend

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(204): Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend http://tfl.nu/gyj1

Replies (22) Good night (1161) Bad night (2807)
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(626): View more from California

One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

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(626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1

Replies (16) Good night (4679) Bad night (1541)
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(906): View more from Michigan

As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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(906): As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back http://tfl.nu/lf8p

Replies (1) Good night (1363) Bad night (1120)
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(818): View more from California

I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.

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(818): I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car. http://tfl.nu/zey7

Replies (11) Good night (536) Bad night (1306)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.

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(336): You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens. http://tfl.nu/3z5p

Replies (6) Good night (1423) Bad night (482)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

Hey I found a cat!

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(270): Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do. (1-270): Hey I found a cat! http://tfl.nu/yvuv

Replies (7) Good night (1858) Bad night (462)
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(914): View more from New York

When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.

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(914): When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked. http://tfl.nu/4q7m

Replies (5) Good night (2280) Bad night (524)
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(817): View more from Texas

A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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(817): A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10 http://tfl.nu/8aoh

Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (377)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.

(413): View more from Massachusetts

The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.

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(865): I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE. (413): The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage. http://tfl.nu/j3o6

Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (442)

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