Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/mya3

Replies (36) Good night (778) Bad night (4727)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk. http://tfl.nu/6oqy

Replies (4) Good night (2599) Bad night (651)
Favorite
(616): View more from Michigan

Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(616): Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed. http://tfl.nu/ew4t

Replies (17) Good night (863) Bad night (3960)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i

Replies (25) Good night (4031) Bad night (984)
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks. http://tfl.nu/13qa

Replies (16) Good night (1792) Bad night (1044)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry http://tfl.nu/npqz

Replies (5) Good night (1069) Bad night (1190)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick. http://tfl.nu/yu0a

Replies (9) Good night (1665) Bad night (831)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters..... http://tfl.nu/8dbk

Replies (5) Good night (1759) Bad night (607)
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0

Replies (28) Good night (2917) Bad night (1034)
Favorite
(310): View more from California

Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself http://tfl.nu/zndp

Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (480)
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES http://tfl.nu/1xjy

Replies (6) Good night (1033) Bad night (345)
Favorite
(406): View more from Montana

bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(406): bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok? http://tfl.nu/2iym

Replies (14) Good night (422) Bad night (1157)
Favorite
(810): View more from Michigan

in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(810): in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure. http://tfl.nu/xpih

Replies (2) Good night (276) Bad night (300)
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere

(514): View more from Quebec

Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere (514): Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever http://tfl.nu/1t8i

Replies (6) Good night (1000) Bad night (216)
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will. http://tfl.nu/1dfb

Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (243)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: