im drinking this country out of the recession.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.