Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I mean a good dj is a huge turn on

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  (586): I mean a good dj is a huge turn on http://tfl.nu/qjzn
  Replies (10) Good night (1337) Bad night (573)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block

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  (302): remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block http://tfl.nu/55sp
  Replies (14) Good night (549) Bad night (1973)
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  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
  Replies (29) Good night (5114) Bad night (1534)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

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  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (6107) Bad night (1021)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.

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  (443): dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice. http://tfl.nu/lkbh
  Replies (5) Good night (2092) Bad night (1072)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation

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  (303): there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation http://tfl.nu/pddg
  Replies (1) Good night (3003) Bad night (772)
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  (631): View more from New York

  youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful

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  (631): youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful http://tfl.nu/kqdo
  Replies (11) Good night (3171) Bad night (711)
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  (323): View more from California

  Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!

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  (323): Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end! http://tfl.nu/gq8b
  Replies (2) Good night (1176) Bad night (743)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.

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  (701): Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck. http://tfl.nu/exx8
  Replies (11) Good night (3056) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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  (815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz
  Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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  (563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop
  Replies (10) Good night (742) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying

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  (971): you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying http://tfl.nu/m75c
  Replies (8) Good night (1656) Bad night (497)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (462) Bad night (1066)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.

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  (512): I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours. http://tfl.nu/179p
  Replies (8) Good night (538) Bad night (950)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.

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  (503): You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure. http://tfl.nu/1pyv
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (338)

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