At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!