he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
