what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.