I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket