My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
