So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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