Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
