Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
there is glitter all over my balls
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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