Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
