Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
