at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
