I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
