just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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