Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
