gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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