Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
