Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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