Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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