you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
