So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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