what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
