When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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