Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
