im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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