Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
