I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
