Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
