I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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