you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so much tequila, so little girl.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
