I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
