My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need water and some morals
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
