Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
