So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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