remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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