How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
