Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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