Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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