that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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