I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
