Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize