And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
